Back here to shake away the nothingness.

 Good 4 years of blogging, nonetheless the existence of no readers as audience. Hahaha. Buttt! When I came back to read what i had been babbling for the past 10-15 years, I could not believe I got myself indulged in memories. presumably the situations framing me? No, it is the current myself reminiscing over annoying behaviours I caught before. 

Why am I back here? Not sure if I should write this, but I cant believe I feel great writing here. Feels like I am writing a journal about myself, letting myself open in the public web but with no readers except for myself in the future. It feels great. If someday I got to lose all the memories, broken nerves in the brain, I can come back here and get to know myself. 

Analysing the trends of writing since my first entry in this very own blog:

1. 2013 - 2016
• I wrote like a real drop dead rebellious teens hahaha. 
• I was obsessed with korean series, and surpringly, a series with Lee Jong Suk and Lee byung -something (Ji Sung's wife) called I HEAR YOUR VOICE. 
• I rewatched the series because I am obsessed with the laws (real law enforcement) encapsulated in the series. 
• Because of that, I learnt Korean words religiously and I could speak it when I went to South Korea in 2014. 
2. In the same years
• Entailing the above traits, the way I wrote my own journal entry is very cheeky. Mixed with a few teen-wise phrases in Korean alongside. 
• I kept taking pictures  of cute stickers and random stuffs which has no relation to the main points I highlighted in the entries. 
• I also watched Sonny with a Chance with other Disney and Nickelodeon series as well. 
• That makes me a copycat to be like them, hahahaha. 
3. Few adulting years before today. 2019 - 2022
• I rarely write in the blog but I was obsessed with thriller novels. 
• I used this platform to summarize or review or retell to MYSELF about the novels I have read
• Coming back to this platform put me in realisation that my craze over English fictions had contributed in my achievent of Band 5 in MUET. 
4. 2023. Writing this on 30th december 2023. 2 days before 2024.
• To be honest, dear self. You are now doing PhD and you are on the verge of giving up. 
• Here you are because you told your supervisor about your preceeding hobbies before all these degrees emerged in my life. 
• She told me to revisit and find all the fictions I myself wrote (one of them is called WILD TREE) to publish them. 
• And here I am feeling great to write journal like this again. 

And there you are, from 2030. Coming back to see what have you been doing since the past 20 years. Glad you are still alive. Don't give up yet. Remember! What you have dreamed, like what you have mentioned in your prayers from 2013-2018, you are living it now. :) Be patient. 

this kind of picture was commonly used in blog posts back then. :))

The End ?

Funny. I deleted all social media accounts. (Im not sure whatsapp is considered as one).

Its even more funny. That for almost an entire month through every single day filled with the thought of immediate death , I haven't died.

Of many attempts I did, I suddenly think of disasterous hereafter. Funny.

I could not keep everything to myself. I lived to express every grim I felt to anyone. Till that one day, everyone was hurt by my utter confession or expression. Then I kept to myself.

I would not post this on twitter/instagram/facebook and blog is the only platform I can write without being noticed by any acquaintance. Papers at home? Somebody would invade? Keep it it my heart? I might be sick. I need to express, though.

If some strangers found this blog, in case of finding reviews on some fictions, help me.

Coz all I got here around me, was the ultimate anger over my sadness. I am no longer sad, because it was a faulty act. I took time to rest my lips off smiling, people were mad at me. I was sad for not given a chance, it was my fault for not accepting the fact. I struggled to death to moralize someone, people were mad for being too hard on her. They just didnt know what I faced. Because I only knew how to seek attention. Being sad with no purpose is seeking attention. Being away from social medias for my own benefits is attention seeking.

I didnt tell my disease on twitter. I didnt show off my good results on instagram. I didnt say good morning and cringed to those who didnt return the greet on facebook. I only made lame jokes and hoped for nothing in return. and yet, i am the only one seeking attention.

I was an emotional bitch, and still am but currently less than the intense past. I didnt give a damn to some people's business. I sulked a lot before and no more for nowadays because some ugly ducklings like me aint going nowhere if we hope for some coaxing from other people. I learned it like a badass, that I didnt give a damn to sarcasm, ignorance, or biased stuffs from the superior. I walked on my own lane or return the same shits to them. See, I can survive! And yet, I seek attention.

When I kept my sadness to myself, and the gruesome cloudy expression on my face was conspicuously irritating the surrounding, I was forced to pour them out. and what I got in return, "Dont be such a weak ass". Who wants to be weak? My journey to becoming a strong emotional bitch aint easy man.

And yet,

I seek attention.

It might sound stupid, but guess what? There is no solution to my problem. Because the main problem is myself. My friend said I complicated myself because I was traumatised by stupid event that hurt me. Funny. I hate being this complicated.

And I guess, ending is the best way to stop irritating people. Am I right? Going abroad to change my life? No money. Seeking job outside to get money? No consent. Seeking consent to get job? It didnt work. How to make it work? Run. But authority would find me and get me returned back to my place. Funny that when I return, I only have to be ready for the sizzling words from the angers vented for troubling people.

There's no other solution.

I'm sorry. Just leave me in peace. and forgive all my sins if I cant afford the time to be on my knees right in front of ur bodies.

SssOoooorrrAAaaaaayyyy for EvvverryyThGIiinggg . ❤❤❤❤❤❤ xoxo

Bookerteller

Hey, Bookerteller is the name I put for the section where I could write my reviews, or synopsis-ing to make sure I could trace the plot for each time I forgot about the read books. LOL

This is my first review, but not the first book I read. Broken Monsters, if you could see the praises put at the very back of the book, and the 'best-seller author' proudly written on it, it would be very much alightened for you to buy it. Frankly before this, I judged books by the covers when some of it did look very cute, eye-catcher, well vintage-decorated, I took it and chachinggg pay for it. But recently I learned, I am not a real reader at all, just that I found a way of keeping real life dramas away and stop myself from being a social media freak is to read books! Hence, I choose the materials carefully by plunging my head into the pages and read a few words that could succumb me into the world of fiction. I used to read Remarkable Creatures, because the cover looked so nice making me pay for it. I was not joining but I had to reach the end to know the truth behind the lines.

Since I discovered the skill of studying the books before buyibng, it turned out to be all dark-covered with engrossing picture, quite soul-dragging for some other normals out there. Oh, now I could see where does my soul soars in joy. I read thillers eventually.

I am, not, a reader. I am, really a sluggard for you could say that I am quite a clever girl in wastage class. Hah! It is like a hobby for me to buy lotsa lotsa books and there comes Big Bad Wolf in December! I wanted to buy some more but I had to finish all the books I bought last year. Those crazy yellow-dots had formed on a few pages because I let them lived in the shelter beside my printer machine for so long!! I made myself drown in all those books and I finished all of it when the stories were not even good (Those were the books I bought for their cute cover). It made me want to read more!! I even went to Popular Bookstore to buy some more and here we go, The Lie - CL Taylor, Broken Monsters - Lauren Beukes, and The Jackdaw - Luke Delaney, all thrillers and I finished two within 4 days.

I came to this idea when I was running out of spaces to paste my sticky notes in the book. I want to write my review (to make sure that somehow someday I can remember how the story unfolds between the sheets). I should write on my blog and its not gonna be deleted! Better than puttung sticky notes in it like someone whos studying the novel for a big exam.

This hobby is not gonna last long, or it will. But its going to stop for awhile. Its not gonna last. Coz I am not a reader.

;)

ajal tak kenal usia

i have a cousin named Ainil Sofia and she was a real good student with beauty. 2 years younger than me and will stay that young forever till the end.

Allah  부터 왔는지 Allah 으로 돌아갈께.

they say its good

back to my recipe problem. or hassle. or trouble. or. anything.
the
they didnt say it was bad. it just got cracked and crooked from its real path that its supposed to look smooth on its top surface with a good looking filling stuffed in the middle of two meringue. But i failed to make it look nice like one searched on Google engine. When I watched someone at my age being fabulous or being treated fabolously or just got blended into the fabolous group or anything it could be how i would feel my life was alternatively being hit by such that night insects krik krik.

How am I ought to explain even to my own self, when I didnt know what was exactly done by me. What the heck I am to be. I am insane. sometimes arent diligent it wasnt sometimes it is an ALWAYS . Hey Gargamel, do you know that we arent to be running like you, chasing after the blue creatures? Yes, but I adore your ambition. I remain in my problem gratefulness. Someone is being shot by paparazzi over fabulousness but you know, there are some up there or down there i definitely do not know how the direction and the magnitude of earth works correctly in my sleepyhead are not as lucky as you are or even myself. They starved, they even jumped down to a danger when they literally need food to survive. Why arent we grateful yet?

dudes. enjoy the view here. Goodnight and Ahlan Wassahlan ya Ramadhan :)

fat

you know that you never wanted anything bad to happen to your life that you were always going to pray and keep asking from God to keep you safe. However real people should REALly understand on how some disabled that has limited chances like they were meant to be. We all have a thing that bothers, a thing that sneak into your piece of heart as a thorn that you would never find it bad for a rose. I'm literally not telling you that imma rose. i am Ayuni.

and fat.

people might as well the closer people or other people think of beauty and a sheet of pride. I dont do this for the sake of beauty I do it for the sake of my own health. How shitty those gals or bois telling that my diet is over my intention to get the prettiness in some folks' sights. Shut the eff up you guys are completely retarded. I'm working it out for my health. you know that when you dress to attract men, you would be sinned as a prostitution. Yes, I accept jokes. Crazy and rude jokes, yes, I accept. Until you come and force me for a thing that would never heal me to a good emotion-manager and you just are making it worse. Knowing that I am not in a place like yours l, having a thing that you guys don't, having to suffer a painful disease that you skinny ones could hardly fall into it, having to face an anger vented towards me as I don't keep my health in a good condition, because those things come without a single alert and still, the blame is proudly on me.

my diabetes level is 5.3. normal.

so why do you have to fartking worried? I am having my own qualm without needing people to control my food consuming and yes i drank more than 3L per day . walk quickly and lasted with my shortbreath problems. and it still falls to be on my fault.

I know it should not be a matter. Being called ugly as I am fat is a joke and no offense for that. Otherwise, debei taaw pukih diem dagen guun - Melanau Dalat
(if you dont know how to joke, stay in the jungle)

Help me,

Well, well, well

Gargamel's attacking!

Shut the eff up. Well, it seems nicer if i speak nicer and I definitely in a no knowledge of what is really going on with me. Cellphone's gone. That thing's gone and being humiliated for hundred times within this one short week giving me a sense of suicidal (No, I would not) but you know things are going tender in whimsical way, much more telling that everything is not the same as before. Let us make things go easier k

What the heck is wrong with me? No, it actually means that, what are the mistakes I've done? (Well actually, things are easy. I'm the one who make it hard) Things are literally not easy. It was actually a problem of mine, and I don't know how to cope with all those shwertsz.

Bye, goodnight. 

I add you over agenda

Whatttttttt is so serious with all those crazy dirty stupid stuffs ? Why eh? It is actually now a time of repenting. Being here as a trainee teacher is one of the hardest task compared to the chemistry test held during the secondary school. Having the pressure with extra pressure are just too thick dig and make it thin. Am I fun? It was actually fine. Fatigue. Now I am posting this entry on my fourth day of SBE School- Based Experience which is compulsory for every trainee teacher within the first four semesters of degree.

Stress out? Of course! Having no basic trainings for the class control just got me nerved like ghost roaring in class. Class control fails! It actually fails! Huh, sigh and sigh. 2:216 in Al-Quran tells me that some things are prepared with the best awards for us as planned by Allah and we never knew what actually we deserve. That's the matter. I am typically afraid of myself for not being in a state of gratefulness. Sigh again.

With agenda? Merely just now I add a friend on facebook well I don't really add people on facebook egoism runs through my veins but i literally set an agenda that I couldn't deny how evil the plans are.

Cabaran dan halangan. Huh. Andrea said stay peace :)

Its only a drama

People todays are extremely drowning in storyline of korean dramas. We are easily influenced by those sweet moments pictured by the excellent actors and actresses even if they were both married to another person. Well, actually i already spread the words that i am now currently supporting the industry of local entertainment since i'm quite in love with this very new drama aired on tv3 (malaysia best station) perhaps. And it quite attracts me by the action performed in the drama. The drama starred by Zara Zya and Adi Putra is a really great great great i just don't know how to describe. It has a common storyline like the rest of novelists had poured their ideas on the papers as well as the script writers for Korean dramas such as The Heirs, Scent of a Woman and My Girl that show a rich man was drowning to be in love with the unwealthy girl. I expressed that a lot to everyone i think so that this is rarely happening around. Some those filthy rich men were attracted to the women which are in the same level (what level). Well, as kind of dramas show that they were not happy, instead, i could see some of them were really not. Evil am i? They are actually trying to get to the point of happy ending but it was always something usual in a relationship like fights. Furthermore, these kinds of bitter things are one that sweeten the relationship you knowwww i dont think of explanation though

Okay. I dont even know i came up with this kind of expression for tonight. MAYBE it is due to my current flying soul that is now suffocated in Zahira oh gosh i like em so much haha. Well first thing that made me watch this drama is the character that beholds the main heroin //betulke ayat aku ni// she s got something that is really funny. And Adi Putra was like. He s got moustache that may be directed by the producer to make him grow that hair on mouth so that he would possess the main position in the drama . I never fancied him and even now haha. But this one drama is very excellent through my analysis because the characters are all suiting each person.

and again. I am now. MALAYSIAN. supporting my local entertainment industy.

Mwehehehehehhe

SALAM BANJIR FROM PANTAI TIMUR.

(its floodin over here in Malaysia East Coast)

I am so beautiful

am I? was I? Ha Ha Ha. I do not care what people say today. Yes, I did care before. It aggrieved me a lot when people are so discriminated over this beauty. It is a nature occurence that people moreless (ayat sir azman) tend to choose that beauty which attract their eyes. I myself choose Cool Blog over Funky Channel or else becUse of its container. Why do I want to speak up on this matter.

We went for Lingo programme that day. (This programme requires the Teslians to be facilitators or Teacher A or Teacher B hahhah) . We met kids, teach them, create some activities to enhance their usage of English. I am not that good but it's a responsibility. I love this one kid. I bet he loves his sister like damn heed over heels in love hahahahahha. suddenly, he told me that, "akak ni cantikla" and i was like "what do you want? candies? or some other types of activities which will get you out of the boredom?" and i was not serious at all and suddenly he said "akak ni cantikla. betul. muka akak sama macam akak saya". Ya Allah. this kid is so, so, so, made me love him. I wanna handle this same class again in future. Hahhaha. I never wanted to mention how beautiful I am in his eyes but what amazed me was that, he loved his sister so much and he tended to reckon that his sister is so beautiful (because i am picturing on how that sister resembles me. pity that sister too much hahaha) . I never wanted to mention how beautiful my sisters are. Hahahahhhhhahahahahahahahah evil me.

And then, i am such a soft-hearted person . How it  relates to the title? nightmare. yeah yeah Im telling you about my nightmaresssss. i had a few night dreams of a same person. It is not something called as a big thingy but what is so humorous that the family of that person joined along in every dream of mine. Telling my cousins about this matter, she only could tell that "jodoh leer tuu" hahahahahhh

fates make me so beautiful. why the hell so hard for me to drag the grate into myself. I lost my earphones and currently relying on rm2 earphone that doesnt even give a good sound of it. asking a help from my friend to get one for me but he seems not serious at all, i dont know la what will happen to me ha ha ha. i asked help from many friends to buy me the DAWAI KOKOT but the first party bought me 3 boxes of staplers (and i managed to trade em after that Alhamdulillah) the second party bought one already but destiny says that she left it at nowheretobefounfd. ha ha ha what ALLIFDEOFMAIN.

Im down with flu and my nose as well as my tongue quite fail to detect the stimulus scientifically. I ate the spoiled foods before my mom came to me and asked "Where those foods-to-be-thrown-into-trash-bin gone?" and I was like krikk krikkk .

APALAH NASIB.

p/s : photo of heartbroken rm2 earphones that i just bought at krdai rm2 and if it were meant to be unfixed later in futute, im gonna paste it on our literature scrapbook.

Tell me that i would never grow up

Hard. Yes, its hard as a teen. we all had grown up as usual. Why? Why the hook like seriously i mentioned about this? Because, I am no one to be said as grateful person. I want everything to run as planned. Iwant everything to be good as wished. But, everything turns into a mess. It doesnt mess around the entire scene, it is just a complete mess in myself. because i am not grateful. I hate to say this but everytime the twilight evoke around the earth, I made myself caged in my own bedroom with lights off and fan on. I made myself blurred on the simple line that everyone used. I am completely trying to be as optimistic as positive people. Where the hool am I right now? what are the Gaza people are doing. why didnt I think how much they dwell in disaster?

Again, and actually it is a story of this year raya lah kan. Everyone would say raya tahun ni tak macam dulu semua dah besar ada yang tak balik . yes, definitely true. But who ever could change the nature and turn the time back into the past? NO ONE. that saddens me even more lol. I could have a chance to be as happy as I wish but it all started with my own fault who was sooooo emotional all the way back then.

I fought over psychological matters against my sister during all the buziness and hectic moments where people all come invading. And my aunts mom and so on the makciks try to say how fat I am which I dont care at all to be honest and say how guilty I am on this increasing weight of mine which breaks my heart into pieces that breaks into smaller pieces of smallest pieces. Doctors come to me and say dont let yourself got hit by a disaster - diabetes. Who ever wants that?          

one more disappointment. I never forced them but it was still my fault who kept on counting their presence to my house. I am sad. They did not come. Seriously, they dont come at all. I am. aggrieved. a lil bit. Maybe they dont remember the invitation at all or just another way to keep myself calm is to say that, my house is so distant.

I could not describe how much more disappointment in me. If I kept considering it as disappointments, I am so so so ungrateful and emotional.

They're my flaws. Grateness and Emotion are my flaws.

Just be grateful. I begged to myself.

p/s : a picture of my sister showing off her new hideous dress ever haha

I dont think its a real thing

I ve to say this. No matter how much it bothers me. hA! No, it doesnt bother me either. but how can you say that it doesnt bother you. Yeah yeah. Okay, lets get straight to the point from the bottom of my heart (Lets puke)

Nowadays i just cant have myself accepting the fact that I am thinking as a woman, acting like a woman, and I am truly a woman. (To be brief, a teen girl. its like eww to me haha). I dont wanna think about this and I definitely wanna stay cool and let myself back off this path (what path?)

I am proudly blogging thru phone. Ho! This is only a matter of writing something on social network where I found this site could never be the medium of socializing to me LOL. I dont wanna show off I dont wanna be something that conpletely annoy folks and I just want to cope with this stupid attitude and thought. How can I be so suffocated in something that should never knocked my head?

There are so so so many quotations saying that "If u dream of someone, he/she might be thinking of you" Well I could take it as a point of a real Quotation for a gAL like me. (seriously. did i just say I am a gAL?) I ve been dreaming for the same ever people for many days continuously and he/she literally did not mean to yearn for me at all. Why the hook happened to me? And the dream just got to be on duty for standing as a qualm in me. You came into my head maaa How can I stop ?

Paralyzed with the quotation, I wanted to believe that the person really 날 그리워. (missing me) haha. But some bigger parts of me telling me to stay away from the quote and tell myself not to think about it. but i am girl hahah and every tiny single thing around me is rice (lets say we could not set the rIce as a material of wastage). then i thought again. Maybe, (bigger perhaps) It is me who thinks of he/she and thats the major reason why he/she always came into my sleepy head. Ha! Good argument for sure.

I got to tell you this. I just found a new person that attracted me (Trutfully not over his/her beauty. Instead, his/her HIDdEn cruelness that he/she never knew of myself acknowledging that). And.. that nigjt, he/she met me in my dream. Hahaha, Dont worry, Its a good dream.

By the way, Salam Aidilfitri.
Nevertheless, deepest condolescences goes to the victims of MH 17, lets recite the prayers together, pals.

p/s : Just a piece of sticker in my bedroom mirror. Cant u please understand k goodnight

Never addresses that someone of her forbidden name

sorry that was errrr full-of-mistakes-in-grammar title. i never wanted people to call me ayu out of ayuni. it doesnt mean that i hate the name ayu itself but i just dont want it to be something that represents me. I seriously mean NO for people who dares to address me as Ayu and Ayu or anything else. (actually there is nothing else, its only AYU) . stop people please stop. I myself, say it here or any place else, I would not ever want to be called as AYU! Dare to call me Esah, Timoh, Bedoh, Busuk, Banga or whatsoever the names are, just do so but please not AYU!

Second of all, I am now studying for TESL degree (because I dont even know how and never wish to know but people said we have to know about the code -B.A Hons or something more less like it) and seriously the new subjects (we re completely used to it and no qualm at all!) and it got UAK (Course Final Test) Omg so rajinnya i translate it.

Alhamdulillah, all praises to Allah that i managed to grab the best from myself for the latest semester we were sitting for an exam in foundation. I definetely was let to know that the pointer would become 0.00 as the real average pointer begins on the first semester of degree. At least I cherished my parenst after all the stupid trouble I ve caused last year during my first time stepping into ipg. (who else would never be shocked by a bunch of words from your father "buleh mati awal gini tgk yuni") ya Allah... who dare?

Okay, this is Ramadhan, full of barakah. Go get yourself prepared to the modest throughout the entire life.

Adios !

what tenses what

should be speaking over the same thing since yesterday - said my friend

Life is a little bit growing into a tensed situation and hard circumstances. My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around. An one thought crystallizes and icy blast. I'm never going back, the past is in the past. Let it go.



I told you. Life could never be easier with your fear dwelling in your chamber of parts in the whole sides of life. Deadening the bad outcomes even made soething worse if you are not fully prepared of the hassles to be faced. What else do you want to complete your cycle of breath taken into your lungs and eventually out all the way? - Note to myself.

Braim freeze doesn't always occur over the icy layer enclosing your mind (i am not a science student so stop asking the validity if theory stated just now) . I am now definitel tortured by the brain freeze when i myself cannot cope the stressful tensed rope tied around this entire body. I just cant?



Mom tells me to stop making good frienship with those A and B. They said parents know everything but how can I suddenly stay away without any sign?

I had piles of works need to be done before the Sunday programme. It is a must to see the leaders/lecturers/trainers before we walk onto the stage of match between all institutes around the country. it made me even closer to the date of entering the institute before anyone else. I felt, reluctant.

I am so ungrateful and I know why. The reason is, I am so, ungrateful.

I am no longer a girl

Wait what? Do I seriously turn my gender into something else? Like what? Third gender? Fourth gender? No, it's fifth gender. Girl might be a second or even first gender or vice versa. I am in the state of fifth gender.  The hell what am I doing with my life?

Lately, lots of things invading me. No, they don't invade. It might be destined that those things act as lesson to come into my life and teach me to be grateful. In a sudden, without any hesitation, my lecturer that could never play some entertainment in class before, suddenly showed a video of Lena Maria. The one born with no hands but remain tending to go on with her life normally like the rest. Physically not. She is not weak. For sure no! The handicapped parts of her body strengthen her more and become a key of success. She succeeded to cook, draw, to do some other routine like the rest of normal people did. And she even get married.

So, she said. I mean, publicly says, what do we need more for not to be grateful. You're fat. You're thin. You're ugly and you're what else? No need to blame on the world. There is no time useful for the blaming. We need to move on. Go on with your life. Just stand still in the flow. (doesn't mean you have to be nerd)

My own experience. Something for seriously had surged me so bad. But I don't think it should be the hassle for me to stop living. I might be different as what my classmates defined me after I was back from the condition of attacked. I was serious bad injured inside. Perhaps before, I was too expressive, saying anything I want to my closest friend in my class. I went to beach and shouted as loud as I could. I always, every single problem I tended to tell her. You know what, something came. And whispered slowly into this canal.

What to become of me?

Shut up! Manage yourself! Don't be such a pathetic!

Okay, then. I was alright till then, there come the one that I longed to meet, I longed to talk and I longed to be noticed by you. But why? Why this moment. You came and bother my life. I want you! You are my friend. I want you to tell me about your problem. And what I heard that you've got a crush. I want you to share about your crush with me. They say I am falling love but shut up, I could never fall in love with you because I want you as my friend.

You came and asked me on serious matter. I could never joke around during the phone call. I could never. And since the day, and since 'that thing' (I didn't even mention what) surged me, I was like this. The one that my classmates defined 'different''. Maybe. and... maybe. There are a lot of things that shouldn't be revealable.

Jung Yup - Why Did You Come Now?

An original soundtrack of I Hear Your Voice. Well

wae ije ya wanni .
왜 이제야 왔니?
Why did you come now?

I always took a further distance from the library. I never entered the first gate since I wanted to use the hallway (I don't know what they call that way crossing over the green field). and I always kept the song played during my walk towards the hostel. Whether I am in a group walking together, I would stay silent and breathed with the song . (It seemed like I was mentally distracted wasn't I?)

If you see me writing like topsy-turvy, blame the literature. I am studying TESL, literary devices and reading Shakespeare's materials made my head turned upside down.

Well, that song 'wae ije ya wanni', it seems like I am blaming that friend for showing up that day. I almost forgot you. No, I didn't forget you. I tended to cover up my yearning but still I miss you. Since you made a call and spoke seriously, I was like.... why now?

Revenge? Well, I would never want to get myself drowned in such a bad condition. But, I don't know why, when I reflected myself into the mirror (mirror mirror on the wall), am I filled with revenge? Why am I turning into this monster. Some of them are scared to speak amiably to me and some of them are annoyed of my attitude. I never asked for this. Never.

And then, here comes the solution. I tended to seek my parents and maybe a lil bit babbling and I just got to swallow all those stuffs. Because they are my parents. And I'm here for the sake of them. Maybe I'm against all of these and maybe I feel agitated. But once I realized that I am here because I love'em.

ni ma eum i naruel jeopojyo

/now listening/

Hi readers from earth putting eyes on a blog of someone who had successfully made her way to her teachers' institute. Do you remember the post about Pygmalion? Well, I had no qualms anymore on that playwright. Ms Eliza Doolittle, one main character in the novel amuse me with her funny acts since she was really not good speaking as a lady so she tended to meet a phonetics expert, Professor Higgins.

The playwright ended up when Eliza turned back to Mr Higgins after finding out the climax (Higgins was actually putting a bet on Eliza's accent as an experiment).

I'm not really in the mood of telling the whole summary of this playwright. May read may watch the classic movie, you're seriously going to love it.

"Monday Tuesday everyday"
/now listening/

I remembered singing this song in the class, seeing one of my classmates kept the MV played on his laptop, it makes me love BAP even more (omg do I like bap I like rice). I don't know why I'm here ok bye world.

What am I actually? (type of creature)

          

    

Another night to blog with mouth wide opened. Yawning without closing my mouth make myself vulnerable and very exposed to the flies. Okay fine then, i'll wear a mask.

I always tell the world "Glad, I'm not a girl. Glad, I don't fall in love with you". The truth is. I didn't know what was I saying. I asked my friend, cousins, why lately I've been so hard to fall in love. Or maybe people used to call me 'fat' all the time in my past. But I don't even mind that however. I was fine and cool when they said 'O ayuni, you're fat! Get your damn way!' . No and never. But, I don't know.

I don't think I can go on. Tummy goes dummy. Eyes keep closing. Bye world.


*I may continue to write this entry one day.Exhausted. Good night.

mood: not good
:)

     

Social Network

Hi world.

I don't know how to explain the main point of entry today.But this is my first time blogging via phone. This space is too small to write a long babbling and I felt confined as well when I can't even put some pasted pictures and restrain the arrangement.

The picture has nothing to do with the real points actually. But, the screenshot meant something to me. I am kinda embarassed when they know that I like him that much but it comes from my own guilt when I tell them "I am not his fan, I wanna marry him," It might sound crazy. Well I'm totally a maniac drowning in fantasy.

The screenshot is an instance for a famous and usable social network. Twitter. My friend tweeted right after she saw AH replied my tweet. I was super crazy. Maybe I should stop this stupid behavior and start to see a reality that I'm just one of the crowds in his eyes.

Okay. The truth is AH is someone I really respect as he is one from IPG, the same institute of mine but he was located in Penang and me, in Besut. He is my virtual senior (which means I never seen him in real life) . His course is TESL and just graduated this year.

Maybe you shouldn't tell the world what actually occur around you. Social network is a place where you can interact wisely with some faraway people. Not to suffocate your life in a dark sticky water  lol

okay bye then :) Have fun.

Pygmalion

I am so sleepy and you know yawning is contagious. Seeing someone yawns in your class will lead tears to you. (yawning tears). It is too inevitable to feel sleepy during your drama class. O wait, I haven't attend any drama class yet. But the feel had sneaked into my soul. Tweeting with Najeh (my IPG classmate) enhance our own literary skills. I'm not saying that we are good at writing a novel. Since we are studying TESL, we have learnt on how the devices work on paper or orally conveyed to the world.

What is Pygmalion anyway?

It was stated as a title but I was not intending to tell about Pygmalion. You know that teens nowadays are not into literature or classic stuffs anymore. They were all drowning in Hallyu, a K-pop wave. (seriously I'm drowning too). My fate, I am here at Maktab Perguruan to study TESL. If you are really up to discover the story beyond this kind of play-write, you can have it all on Google. Piles of information would evoke when you type anything in the space provided. I just didn't know how to explain but mostly, the analysis studied by other human beings are right in authenticity. But how about the fake articles. I can see that some of them are not faking it. They just possessed different points of view.

Romeo & Juliet

Everybody knows the play. All I know is about the lovers die eventually and I don't know where to find it romantic. Since I don't really know how the storyline lays in the novel and I'm not good at acknowledging the matters in classic fictions. Well, somebody can brainwash me if they're so offended when I say I don't find it interesting. I'm so sorry.

Why not Titanic?

Titanic is an original story, told by Rose Dawson. *I forgot her real name*. Kate Winslet successfully epitomised the life of Rose on the ship. (ship?) I discovered that she got a face of the real Rose Dawson and what mom had been telling me, Titanic was her first foray in entertainment field. She was so lucky, in my opinion. I'm picturing our drama would be a little bit exciting if we used Titanic as the subject.

No, I might be out of mind. No Titanic!

Please you don't know me yet

Maybe it sounds like a super serious (well it's not funny at all). You will never know who I am. You will never know what is currently hiding in me. You have only seen what is visible to your eyes not to your hearts. You can see how hyperactive I am in the class after I just 'recovered' from the sickness of leaving UiTM. Well, yet you have to see that people is changing all the time because we're not just standing on one spot. We walk.

 

I have no idea how to describe how I felt after my own mouth and lips and voice made the confirmation to enter IPG KSM (Kampus Sultan Mizan). I went to UiTM Alor Gajah or it's more fabulous to call UiTM Lendu. I am a TESLian migrating from Lendu tu Besut (Where Kampus Sultan Mizan is located). I could see how bad I was but it is worse on how people see me. Just when I quited officially from UiTM, and I had to stay for 2 days in IPG before I went home again (IPG KSM is just an hour by a car from my house, so I can go home often eeheheheheh) I was stuck in my own illusion. 

Behavers :)

When I was home again, everyone noticed the changed me. I became silent all the time and the hyperactive, noisy me was gone automatically. It felt like my soul was absorbed by the surrounding and I felt frail. I was feeling awful because the reluctance was very strong. I didn't want to come here and I am here for the sake of my parents. It happened a long time ago.

And now I recovered. I recovered from being such a stupid person to be selfish. It's true. I was selfish. I didn't think of my parents. I didn't care about how they were feeling. How had my father said to me, he felt like dying seeing me stuck in that horrible situation. I didn't smile when people were joking. Usually it was me who laughed before they started to talk. I was in a very bad condition. A very bad one.

My classmates at UiTM are BEHAVERS. The name we created. I love behavers and I'm no longer with them anymore. Sometimes I wished I would fall sick to show the hardships of yearning for them. Eventually, I was really falling sick. I vomited and fuddling all the time. I miss them and I don't wanna leave that Kampus Alor Gajah. But the fact is, I have to see my current place. I'm here now in Besut.

1PPISMP TESL 

I took a long time to get along with my current surrounding. I tried to laugh, but I couldn't. But, Allah is the Powerful One. Allah is Almighty. With all His power, He turned me into this way. Perhaps I was such a silent one. I was gloomy but todays, I spoke up in my class :)